Dear Chicago

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Dear Chicago,

I want to thank you. You were home to us for almost 13 years- before there was the “us” that is today. You took me in as a 22 year old girl. You taught me how to live in a big city. Sometimes you chewed me up and spit me out. I spent hundreds of dollars and thousands of tears getting my car out of the impound after getting it towed four times in one year. I spent hours frustrated sitting in traffic.  Other times, you welcomed me with open arms. It was here that I had my first job, bought my first car and later home, became a wife as well as a mother. I have layers and layers of memories in your city. I was able to meet some really amazing people, and had friendships both young and old.

I miss your walkability, your free zoo, and the giant Whole Foods nearby. I miss the option of having a girls dinner and meeting a friend for lunch. Mostly I miss the familiarity that you brought.

I came to Chicago as a young girl eager to take on a big city. I had challenges along the way but overall, I rose to the occasion. I learned the ways of living there and raising children there. You were a great home to us for many years and for that I am thankful.

I imagine I will miss you for sometime, yet slowly you will become foreign to me too and I will have a new normal. I know in my heart it was time to move on. I do not regret our decision to leave. I only want to thank you.

Your forever friend,

Melanie

 

Chaos and a little bit of calm

 

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I’ve been somewhat obsessed with James Bay lately. His voice draws me in, gives me a place to escape for a few seconds. His album incidentally is called “Chaos and the Calm“. This is my life right now. I feel so much stress. My head hurts. My neck is in knots. I’m not sleeping well. Brooks has been acting out. Chris and I have barely had time to connect. I’ve gotten a lot done but there is still so much to do. Our house is starting to look different. I have spent hours sorting through closets, drawers, rooms. I have purged bags and bags of stuff. I got rid of all of our baby stuff, most of my clothes, and just about everything that we don’t use on a daily basis. It’s emotional and weird letting go of so many things and putting everything you have left into boxes. I find myself being too busy, too emotionally detached from my family and friends. My patience is low. I feel weighted, tired, and heavy.

There are, without a doubt, a ton of things to be excited and thankful about. This move is a choice. As a family, we are taking a giant leap to experience the unknown. This makes me feel alive. We are not just talking about something, we are doing it.

I am in an emotional dance each day. At times, I feel the weight of everything we are undertaking. Other times, like now- with my boys in bed, and a cup of tea in my hand, I am able to find peace. This past week has been a battle. I’m doing what I can to balance it all out. I’ve done yoga twice. I’ve meditated, and then meditated a few minutes more. I’ve taken baths, drank herbal teas.  I’ve tried to carve out time to be present with Chris and my boys. I’ve found just enough time to write. All of this adds up to moments of calm- when time feels like it is standing still and I’m exactly where I should be at this very moment.

Much love,

Melanie

P.S.

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