Never enough

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This past weekend we went to a fabulous wedding in Miami. We celebrated a new marriage, hung out with college friends we hadn’t seen in years, and got some much needed husband and wife time. The wedding and reception were at a yacht club and next to the venue was a 375-foot yacht called Luna. To say it was beautiful was a complete understatement. The thing was amazing. The venue, the bride, and the weather were also nearly perfect. I found myself feeling insecure. My hair didn’t feel right. My lip liner went on weird. My dress wasn’t fabulous. Surrounded by beauty and perfection, I found my flaws to be the center of my attention. Luckily it was early on in the evening when I gave myself a reality check. I told Chris that I was going to stop worrying about what I looked like and instead focus on being where I was. It wasn’t an easy shift. I struggled at times to feel comfortable in my own skin. The yacht was a major source of conversation for obvious reasons. We laughed about trying to sneak on it for after hours. Someone at the reception showed us another yacht nearby that supposedly belongs to Mark Cuban. Had the 375-footer not been there than surely we would have all been drooling over this one but it was so overshadowed that it was barely noticed. We searched the web for the Luna and learned that it’s worth roughly $575 million dollars. I contemplated that and realized that when it comes to money, there is never enough. As rich as you may be there is always something that you can not afford…a $60 million dollar condo in Miami, a $575 million dollar boat. Fact is, there is always going to be someone richer, prettier, smarter, or nicer than you. This ‘never enough’ mentally though only leads to failure. How can we ever consider ourselves enough if we are constantly comparing ourselves? How does moving the bar higher and higher ever lead to true happiness?

I find that this is a constant underlying issue for me. A part of me worries that I’m not enough. I know that my best days are the ones that I don’t worry about the clothes I’m wearing, or the wrinkles around my eyes, or that my hair is all out of sorts. My best days are the days when I truly feel that I am enough, that perfection isn’t the goal, and that no one expects perfection from me in the first place. If Mark Cuban is sitting on his beautiful yacht being pissed that his boat isn’t as big as the Luna, than clearly he is missing it. It’s so easy to look at someone else’s life and see the big picture. It’s the moments when fear and insecurity seep in that we need to take a step back so that we can see ours. It is only then that we can see that who we are and what we have is more than enough.

Not so competitive racing

I woke up Saturday morning to the sound of my alarm at 5 am. I was immediately in a bad mood. I had a restless night of sleep. I was tired. I hate early mornings. Chris and I barely even trained for this event. I got up and immediately thought to myself, “I don’t know why I keep doing these races. I’m not doing them anymore”. Still, I knew I couldn’t back out so I got dressed and ready for our half marathon. It was dark outside and a chilly 58 degrees (in south Florida that’s almost freezing). On our walk to the start line I was still being cranky but Chris didn’t expect much less. By the time we actually started running I was back to myself.

 

I used to truly hate running. I remember when I ran my first mile 6-7 years ago and I thought I was going to throw up. Now, I only hate the first mile or two. Some days I would even venture to say that I love running. As I started running on Saturday, I looked around at all of the people running with us. There was a man in really great shape who I would guess to be about 65 years old. Near the end of the race, there was a kid about 11 or 12 years old. As I watched them I realized that it doesn’t matter how long it takes them or even if they walk or run the whole way. All that matters is that they are here and that they get to the finish line.

 

I also realized that part of the reason I think I hate these events is because I put too much pressure on myself. I’m a competitive person. Mostly though, I’m really hard on myself. Even though I tell myself and others that I don’t care how I do, that is easier said than done. Saturday was the first time that my goal truly was just to finish. This was mostly due to our lack of training but I realized that I would like these events a lot more if I can just stop stressing out about them.

 

At the end of the race I felt a huge sense of accomplishment. My legs were sore and it felt good. I want my son to grow up knowing what it’s like to cross the finish line. I hope to be the older person out there who people are cheering for…not because I’m fast but just because I’m there.

 

The guy in the picture with the basketballs is  Doctor DribbleHe holds a world record for running the fastest marathon while double dribbling. It’s crazy!