I have a case of the Mondays. I’m tired for no particular reason. I can’t concentrate despite the looming deadline of my homework being due. I have anxiety and a persistent unsettled feeling. My stomach is off and my back and my neck are super sore. I’m not sure if my stomachache is due to my anxiety or to my poor food and lifestyle choices that I made for a solid week. Maybe it’s all due to that. Who knows? All I know is that despite all the sleep I got this weekend, despite not having a drop of alcohol since Thursday, and despite my morning yoga, I’m still in a funk.
I remember reading a study about how the food children eat affects their mood. Apparently there is a real connection between our guts and our brains. Really I don’t know why this is so shocking. Isn’t everything in our bodies connected? Regardless, something tells me the week of drinking, excessive coffee, small doses of gluten & dairy, and lack of sleep have majorly caught up with me. Oh, and did I mention that I didn’t exercise for over a week and hardly found time to mediate?
Traveling, especially home for the holidays, is always a bit tricky. Don’t get me wrong, I love time spent with family. Every time we go back to Ohio with our boys, a part of me wants to pack them up and move them closer to our loved ones. But traveling also means we are out of our routine. We don’t have access to all of the same foods, or our blender for that matter. No one sleeps as much or as well. And regardless of how many times I’ve been down this road, I always end up drinking too much at least one night.
I find it interesting that I spend so much time, energy, and money on keeping myself and my boys healthy, but periodically I wash it all down the toilet with about about four (or more) drinks. If I’ve learned anything through the years, I’ve learned that I have a very low tolerance for alcohol. It’s something that you may or may not notice. I’m not fall over myself drunk. Typically, I can hang and I’m fine the night of. It’s the next day and even a few days later that I pay for it. This time I took so many activated charcoals that I literally threw them up. This was probably a blessing considering we had to fly home the next day. The point is that I know better but I continue to make myself suffer.
I feel like I’m beating myself up which isn’t exactly making me feel any better. Perfection is certainly not the goal either. I guess the point is that I’m paying for my poor choices. It isn’t fun but this too shall pass.
Despite my complaining and all this nonsense, my heart is full. God is good. I’m thankful on Thanksgiving as I am each and everyday. Slowly God is teaching me to step aside and let him lead the way. I’m thankful for the journey.
I hope that each of you had a happy Thanksgiving, a heart full of love, and a beautiful Monday. Cheers to making better choices and to the beauty of imperfection.
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