Just a short while ago I was in my gym locker room getting ready for my day. I had set my stuff down and plugged in my hair straighter in a room where no one else was sitting. After I set up shop, I realized that my eyebrows desperately needed tended to. A few seats down from mine was a magnifying mirror so I took my tweezers and relocated in front of the mirror. A minute or so later, an older lady came to sit next to me where her stuff was lying. I could instantly tell she was annoyed with me. I asked her if I was in her way and she replied, “No, I’ll just move my stuff over. There is another mirror over there though.” This was not said in the nicest tone. Being the pleaser that I am, I immediately got up and said, “Ok, I’ll move”. As I did my eyebrows, a series of thoughts ran through my head. My thoughts sounded something like this, “What a bitch. Why does she feel so entitled? I wasn’t even that close to her stuff. I shouldn’t have m0ved. If I made her uncomfortable, then she should have moved….” and on and on. Sometime during this banter, another lady sat down right where I was sitting. I laughed inside. I wanted to laugh outside. I smiled and a part of me wanted that lady to see it. While I dried by hair, I became curious about the whole encounter. I desperately wanted to ask her why I had made her uncomfortable. I think a part of me thought that she needed to learn a lesson from the whole experience. I’m embarrassed to admit this, but I realized at this moment that this is a pattern for me. I tend to think that experiences are here to teach someone else a lesson. I was almost done drying my hair, when I thought, “I wonder what this experience is here to teach me?” This is totally a statement that my beloved life coach would ask me. As I thought about this, a few questions came to mind 1. Why did this experience bother me so much? 2. Why do I feel the need to win people over? 3. Why do I care what this lady thinks of me? Shakti, my life coach, has also taught me (or has been trying to teach me) not to try to change or belittle my parts, but instead to love all of them. I guess I came to a few conclusions.
1. The part of me that always wants to please people is a kind part of myself that should be celebrated but also sometimes quieted.
2. The part of me that was calling that lady a bitch is a part of me that I’m always trying to hide. Truthfully, it needs to come out sometimes. I’m not suggesting that I say it out loud but even now when I call her a bitch in my head, it makes me feel kind of giddy.
3. My sense of entitlement was also at play which is strictly coming from ego.
4. This is all a bunch of nonsense because I’m talking about a mirror and a seventy year old lady.
This my friends, is what it’s like to be in my mind for 15 minutes…exhausting isn’t it? 🙂