This is me

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This is me, hair straightened, tinted moisturizer, no make-up. This is me most days, in jeans and a t-shirt. Sometimes I like to get dressed up but other times I try too hard and I’m never satisfied with the outcome. This is me, confident, yet insecure. I care too deeply what other people think of me. I strive for perfection even when I know it is unobtainable. I hate selfies. I am passionate about health, my family, GMO’s. I’m a fact finder. I love to read and I love to learn. Sometimes I’m gullible. I love connecting with people. I love long dinners (without my kids) with great conversation and a good glass of wine. I don’t expect you to agree with me. I love a good debate and can be satisified “agreeing to disagree”. If you ask me a question, I will answer it honestly in the nicest way that I can. I don’t want to hurt your feelings. Again, I care too deeply what you think of me. I’m a good mother. I’m a good wife although I’m sure I could be better. I’m a good friend who was much better before my boys were born. I love with all of my heart. I’m loyal. I cry easily. I have a hard time yelling and I hate when others raise their voices at me. I’m a Scorpio but I’m not mysterious. I’m an open book. What you see if what you get. I smile easily. I love to laugh. I get anxious. I worry about silly things and often they keep me up at night. I’m a planner. I’m a stickler when it comes to my boys’ bedtimes and what they eat. I’m not totally inflexible but I like routine. I’m afraid of tornadoes, something happening to my boys, disappointing others, change, and not being loved. Fear is deep rooted inside of me. I’m constantly challenging myself to do things that scare me even a little. I always believe I can be better, do better. I try not to be judgmental. I know we all have flaws and we all have assets. Mostly I want to get along. I also want to stand up for what I believe in. I love ice-cream, mashed potatoes, crab legs,  coffee, and chocolate (not all together). I love being a mother. I love watching my boys explore the world. I need alone time to recharge. I love to lose myself in a good book. Once upon a time, I could spend all day laying at the beach with a good book. Day drinking is another pre-kids favorite. I love to travel and see new places. I’ve learned to try new things. I believe in love. I am grateful everyday. I’m far from perfect. I don’t expect anyone else to be perfect either. I’m always hardest on myself.

This is me, or at least this is part of me now. If I’ve learned anything about myself, I’ve learned that I’m always changing. I also know that maybe none of this is truly me. Maybe these things are just manifestations of my mind. Under all of this, somewhere, is my soul. I’m still trying to figure out who this is. For now, this is me as best as I can describe in words. This is me today.

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