It’s a chilly but sunny Monday. I woke up with a sore throat and a runny nose. Brooks is taking a much-needed nap (after throwing a series of temper tantrums). I have soup on for dinner and a hot cup of tea while I write. Overall life is good. For possibly the first time in my life, I’ve been really enjoying fall. I love how beautiful the leaves are right now. I’ve been enjoying the brisk temps during my outside runs. I’ve never been able to enjoy fall before because I’m always too busy dreading what’s to come. We decided this year not to go to Miami (sad) so you would think I’d be dreading the winter even more than usual, but I’m not. Just like the weather, my perspective has been changing. A few weeks ago, I realized that I was living in a “grass is greener” mentality. I was impatient with Brooks’s quickly changing moods, I was needy of Chris, and sometimes angry at him for being unable to make me feel appreciated. I was letting my insecurities get the best of me. Some of this was hormonal. Some of this was an unconscious choice that I was making each day. I’m not saying that I’ve turned this all around. Yes, I still grew impatient and angry at Brooks this morning when he threw himself on the floor for the zillionth time. Life isn’t perfect and it’s never going to be.
Recently one of our babysitters told me a story of an interview she had with a pregnant mother of a 3-year-old daughter. The mother asked the sitter if she has any children. When our babysitter told her no, the mother said, “Oh that must be so nice to be able to do whatever you want, when you want.” The babysitter told me the story and laughed and I did too. Isn’t it funny that we all over simplify things that we don’t have to make them appear so desirable? I think we all spend too much thought on the things we don’t have rather than being thankful for the things we do. For me, I want another baby. I have spent entirely too much time thinking about this rather than spending all of that time and energy focusing on the beautiful boy that I do have.
A few years ago, I was keeping a gratitude diary. It’s amazing when you start to write down all of the things in your life that you are grateful for. You realize how truly blessed you are and sometime in the process your mood gets lifted. Although I haven’t started the diary part yet (I should), I have been listing things I’m grateful for as I run or when I pray at night. It’s such a simple yet profound exercise.
I don’t know what the coming season will bring. Right now, I’m focusing on the fact that life is exactly as it should be. I’m feeling blessed.