My legacy

Last night my husband and I had dinner with a very successful entrepreneur and her boyfriend. She and Chris talked a lot of shop throughout dinner which was to be expected. To her credit, she was also very thoughtful throughout dinner and made sure to ask about Brooks and include me in the conversation whenever possible. Still, at the end of the night, I left feeling insecure about myself. Being a stay at home mom carries a certain stigma. I feel that others look at me like I’m not intelligent, driven, or even interesting. Often in our society, your worth is measured by the status of your position and the amount of money you make. I remember when I quit my job doing medical device sales and started doing personal training I felt slightly the same way. I suppose people may feel the same way when they retire. Like it or not, our identity is tied to what we do. I often find myself wanting to tell people who I just met that I had a successful career in sales prior to being a mom and a personal trainer. When I discussed the matter with my husband (with tears of course), he pointed out that the issue is actually the way I view being a stay at home mom. In his opinion people don’t view me any differently, I just think they do. To be honest, I don’t totally believe this but I do think he has a point. Why do I need validation from other people (especially people I hardly know) that I’m smart and interesting? Why don’t I have enough confidence in myself to know that I’m both and that I’m also a really good mother? I remember when I was doing medical device sales and I was at the top of my game, I still told one of my co-workers that at the end of my life I didn’t feel that my success at work meant anything. I didn’t want people talking about how I was really good at sales at my funeral. I realized at that point that even though society may have thought more of me because I was making good money, my value in this life comes from who I am, not what I do. Funny now, because that’s not entirely true. I do believe what I do each day is really important. Sure, I’m not going to cure cancer, but I hope to raise a kind, loving, intelligent son who does good in the world. What I spend my days doing now is more important to me than what I used to do. On top of that, I’m doing exactly what I want to be doing. I want to be the one to teach Brooks his first words, to pick him up and kiss his boo-boos, and to teach him to say “please” and “thank you”. So why even after I know all of this, do I feel so small sitting across from a self-made successful business-woman? I guess I just need to remind myself each day that even though I may not have a glamorous job, I have an important one and the only one that I want right now. At the end of my life, I pray that people will tell my children that they had a really good mother, that I loved them with all of my heart, and that I loved raising them. And, I hope that as people say this, my children will already know all of this to be true.

5 thoughts on “My legacy

  1. Mel please,never feel less then anybody…you are one amazing woman,you do a fantastic job with Brooks,you are a smart woman with a lot to give…Your job of taking care of your family is the most important job a person could have,to raise a child or children is not any easy job,and I know of no other job that is 24/7,every day of the year…year in and year out…There are woman who couldn’t do what you do…so never think any less of your job now in life,because you have two people who would not have it any other way,and would not want to do with out you..Chris and Brooks…I thank God every day that you are the one taking care of those to guy’s whom I love very much..Your a great Mom,wife and daughter-in-law..and believe me Mel,the older you get,the less those thing’s that bother you now will matter…Never change,your perfect the way you are..Love You…your daddy-in-law…lol…

  2. Your job is harder and way more important than any career. It is not as common for a mother to stay home to raise her children anymore and I feel that you should look at it as an honor. Maybe she was looking at you thinking Wow! she is very fortunate to be home with her child each day raising him with values, morals, and beliefs. You ROCK as a mother. Keep up the the good work for it is the hardest job anyone can do, and remember when the day is over you can’t leave your work at the office!

  3. Mel, we all feel like that at times and some people enjoy making you feel that way, there are people out there like that, we have all encountered people who love to belittle you…..but…you have a very wonderful and important job now…raising your little boy with morals and respect for others. Enjoy the “job” God has blessed you with. You are a beautiful, intelligent, loving person. Love you Michelle

  4. I agree with Tanya. Don’t assume that people look down on you. To be honest, I perceived this situation to be a little different. I think there was a bit of jealousy and envy from her that you just didn’t pick up on. Consider if the roles were reversed and you were watching videos of someone else’s son and saw how excited his parents were to show you them. Who would you think had more to be grateful for and excited about?

  5. I can relate to how you feel! Even though I work part-time, I feel like the nurses that I work with who work so many more hours a week than me are smarter, better nurses and look at me as “less”. But I know that this is only my insecurities! Chris is right…we never know what another’s journey is, and I have found that there are so many women with very successful “careers” who would do anything to have what you or I have…they just don’t have the opportunity. A friend of mine couldn’t get pregnant for a long time and so she threw herself into her career to divert the want…she was very successful, but she was extremely sad. I felt that I couldn’t talk about my baby in front of her, or how happy I was in my life because of her struggles. I think we all have crosses to bear and personal obstacles to overcome. But if we can find the strength to be secure in the journey God has started us on, and travel it without apology, we will be fulfilled. We all are blessed with many talents, but not all are blessed with motherhood. We are so very blessed! 🙂

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