Losing my marbles being a mom

My baby is sick. He had a fever of 101.8 today so of course I rushed him to the doctor. He has a cold. It’s probably the third or fourth time that I’ve taken him to the doctor for a cold. It’s silly and I know it but I’m still glad I took him. I’ll sleep better tonight. I made him liver last night for dinner. I cooked it in my Beba Babycook and then I cooked it more in a pot with onion and garlic (because it smelled and looked so disgusting). I gave him about 5 bites and then I threw the rest away. I’m not talking about the rest of the serving. I’m talking like 10-15 servings. (He actually liked it, btw.) I was worried that maybe I didn’t cook it long enough or maybe it was in my freezer too long. I was worried it would make him sick. Then he woke up sick. Honestly, I’m a smart girl but I swear I have lost all of my common sense when it comes to Brooks. I spent half the day worrying that Brooks had food posioning from the liver that couldn’t have possibly been undercooked. He wasn’t even throwing up and he didn’t have diarrhea. He’s sleeping now. He was so tired out. I have to fight the urge to go in and check on him. I guess the point of all this is that I know I’m a bit (okay, maybe more) crazy. I can’t help it. I’m so afraid to make a mistake that will harm him. I honestly don’t know how I would live with my self if something happened to him. I had no idea that I would turn into my mother until I had my son. Sometimes it’s scary loving someone so much. He’s almost 9 months old and clearly I haven’t gotten over being paranoid. Will I ever? I know my mom used to worry about me. I suppose this just comes with motherhood. I know, however, for all of our sanity I need to learn to relax a bit. I pray. I’ll continue to pray for God to protect him and also for piece of mind. Other than that I guess I need to apologize to my mom. All these years I just thought she was overly nervous and maybe a bit crazy herself. Little did I know….

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